My husband and I were talking the other night, and he asked me why I didn’t have pity parties regarding MS. I initially laughed then asked him ‘what made you think I don’t?’. That left him thinking for a while. What exactly did I mean?
Yes, I do have pity parties for myself from time to time. Like when I received my most recent doctor/hospital bills. Or when we were taking our evening walk and I nearly fell – stumbling over uneven cement. Or perhaps when I actually did fall (hard) while jogging at sunrise on the pier in Miami, FL in front of the InterContinental Hotel. Yes, I’ve had my moments – the ubiquitous ‘pity party’.
So now that I’ve admitted that I have them, let me share how I have them. Don’t laugh – I’m serious…Here are a few of the INSTRUCTIONS FOR A PROPER PITY PARTY…
- HAVE A GOOD REASON TO HAVE ONE. The choice is yours but try to avoid the mundane and ordinary. If you have parties for the every day occurrences and for every moment you feel slightly frustrated about something, you’ll get to the dark side real fast – depression. Reserve the party for a good cause.
- IDENTIFY THE GUESTLIST. Will you have it by your self or do you need someone else to participate? If by yourself, don’t forget to choose wardrobe. Will it be PJ’s, comfy T-shirt and shorts or your best suit and stilettos? Whatever you choose, be comfortable for the moment. If you need to have it with other people be careful when asking someone else to participate. Be sure its someone who will understand and allow you to have the party w/o bashing you for having emotions. Make sure its someone who actually cares that you’re having the party or even how you feel. Don’t be surprised when you discover that many of the people who you thought cared about you really don’t. Not because they don’t love you but because they don’t know how to handle your emotions and certainly don’t know what to say – so they actually prefer to avoid you. Remember they will never tell you this – look for the signs.
- CHOOSE THE PLACE. The location is crucial, public or private, big or small venue, memory driven (places that evoke memories) or not.
- DECIDE ON THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PARTY. In short you have to determine if this will be a big ‘to do’ or a small event. Will it be a total emotional blowout with tears, runny nose and screaming or just a saddened face and a good stare out the window? The magnitude of the party may also influence whether you have guests or not at your pity party.
- DECIDE HOW LONG THE PARTY WILL LAST. The length or timing of the party may be influenced by the guest list and/or the location. It may also be influenced by your personal and/or business schedule and your obligations to yourself or others. Just remember that once you decide to have the party, its important to do it right.
- CHOOSE HOW THE PARTY WILL END. This is really super important! Ending a pity party is a HUGE big deal – a celebratory moment. It should be treated as such. Whether it be a shopping spree, dining w/drinks at a special restaurant, or your favorite pizza and movie at home, you should choose celebration and make it happen. Savor the food and the drink! Enjoy the activity. Be ‘in the moment’. The purpose of the celebration at the end is to mark another milestone for yourself!
I promise to provide further detail when I finish the book, but meanwhile my spirit lead me to share these tidbits. Plan your pity party and be in the moment. Remember its okay to have them. In fact, think of it this way, you’re entitled to have them. They are YOUR emotions!